Bag of firewood

Have you ever picked up a bag of firewood? If yes, then you’ll know how awkward, uncomfortable, and painful it is. There are jagged edges that dig into you and none of it is pleasant.

So, I assume you must be wondering, what on earth does firewood have to do with MMA. Well, when you are training against inexperienced people that is exactly what they are like. They are like a bag of firewood being thrown at you, no matter how you catch it, you are getting hurt. In striking, their timing is non-existent and no matter how many times you say relax, they’re about as relaxed as a prom date meeting the parents. This means you’re getting injured as they attempt to swat punches away like King Kong hitting planes but with no success. Then when you move in to throw some light punches, they turn their head and throw a punch with their eyes closed wildly.

This doesn’t seem like an effective way to fight, but they land because as they turn to throw, you’ve just relaxed your guard. They’ve now had a taste of success, and it becomes worse. Kicking is even more of a problem as you throw a gentle kick to their body, they freak out and put out an elbow that seems to target the area between then shin and foot. This is rather painful so you start kicking at the leg so they use their beginner super powers once more and knee you in the shin. This is what happens when you try and be nice. Even though you are going nice and slow, to them you may as well be trying to take their head off. When the punch or kick comes in, they see it last second which causes the quick reaction which usually ends in something bony going high speed into a limb of yours.

Wrestling against a beginner is a highlight. Because everyone has wrestled right? Yes, we have all had a wrestle with mates or even a partner, but here is the shocker – wrestling against someone that can’t wrestle is not actually wrestling. It’s more like aggressive slow dancing. Once you start wrestling, they usually come up with this high-tech system of defence and it is called pushing away and going backwards (which is illegal in wrestling as it is called passivity). Once you politely tell them this isn’t the best way to wrestle, and they’re kind of defeating the purpose, next comes the move that all beginners try and do – the headlock. The first time you take them down, you tell them that it doesn’t work. Strangely enough, this doesn’t deter them as they go for the head lock again and again, each time getting taken down and being told that it doesn’t work. Once they stop the headlocks, they go to their tried and true method, grabbing hold of you like a toddler holding their parents’ leg. This effectively glues you to them so when you go down, they have to go with you. Then lucky for us, they end up underneath and they pin themselves. That little piece of info, about not holding on during a takedown is for the second session assuming they don’t head lock you.

BJJ is strange as you start on your knees and one person is usually sitting down. BJJ can sometimes feel counter-intuitive. Most of our ideas about fighting ends when the fight hits the ground. In BJJ, this is where it starts. So, the only thing that makes sense is for them to either charge you with hands high on your chest, or to run as fast as they can on their legs to get around your legs/guard. Neither of these go very well for them so you help them out a little. This they take on board until you go through the process a couple of times then they take matters into their own hands. This means that technique is out the window and they go back to good old speed and strength. Which doesn’t work so they put more effort into both with negative results again. Think about a rolling bag of firewood on the ground and you trying to control it, there is a chance of getting hit in the head. When they are trying to get out of a position with speed and strength, they are twisting and rolling which increases the chance of getting an elbow in the face. Then when you let the bag of firewood have top control, they always seem to find a way to knee you in the head.

These bags of firewood are a menace to training, we do what we can to make them into good training partners, though. This takes time with lots of repeating yourself, but as long as they have a good attitude and take on board what you say, then it is all part of the fun of training. As at one point we were all bags of firewood to train with.

Gareth Lewis
Head MMA Instructor